What They Report

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Due to the growing interest in the age gap community, academics are starting to build on the available data for "May-December romances"— everything from why they work, to why they are condemned.  As recently as 2018, researchers linked their disapproval from others due to sentiments of it being an “exchange based relationship,” which is discussed further in, Why I Hate Your Age Gap Relationship (AGR).

Justin Lehmiller (Colorado State University) and Christopher Agnew's (Purdue University) extensive research in this space tell us that age gappers feel more social disapproval than those in same sex or interracial unions, and believe that their family and friends would prefer they end their relationship.  This perceived marginalization was directly correlated to the age gap couple’s commitment levels, and ultimately predicted the chances of the relationship failing.  “The more someone in the couple felt disapproved of, the more likely the relationship was going to end,” (Lehmiller & Agnew, 2011).

Additionally, the reports concluded that perceived disapproval by one's own social network was more damaging to the relationship than society at large.  Samples in these studies included those in age gap, interracial, and same sex relationships. 

These findings offer two conclusions:

1. The perceived views of one's social network has the most influence over the success of the relationship, and

2. The presence of an age gap is not why the relationship fails, but how one thinks they are perceived by others, does.

This is clearly why many people in "fringe" relationships often struggle with when, how, and who to come out to in their relationship.  Not only do they fear the repercussions from their closest family and friends, but also they feel the stress that it puts on their romantic relationship — that which they are thinking of showcasing — may not be able to stand up through this process.  

For the LGBTQ community, sometimes the consequences of coming out — or being "outed"—  are a matter of life and death.  For others, perhaps coming out about something is just a step along the path of growing up and figuring out how to live without caring so much about what other people think and say.  No matter where you land on this spectrum, there are very real challenges, and unfortunate consequences, when one finds themselves a minority in a majority community.    

But, as those who have overcome personal obstacles of tragedy and trauma will tell you, the journey through self acceptance, self honesty, and self compassion create a certain peace and freedom that will change your life forever.