The Power Greater Than Ourselves

“How is it,” I picked my therapist-friend’s brain, “that ordinary people, with no certifications, licenses, or additional vetting, are able to get people spanning different generations, cultures, and socioeconomic levels, to stop their destructive, life-threatening behaviors and habits, day in and day out?”

Was it the 12 Steps themselves? The focus on spiritual awakening, self growth, and personal responsibility? Could it simply be a reflection of the informal, group-therapy structure, with the added benefit of a sponsor?

My colleague suggested that it’s power (Alcoholics Anonymous), comes when people are connected through their common problems and suffering. That once people find that they are not alone, and don't have to work on something by themselves — that they have help and can help others — a unique force is created.

This, she stated, “is the ‘power greater than themselves’, and while some find this through the spiritual realm, it is the shared suffering that is what ultimately makes AA work”.

It finally clicked for me: I know this.

I thought back on the last time I was going through something rough, and how after talking with someone who had experienced something similar, I felt instantly relieved and encouraged that things could improve. If they can do it, I can do it. Or even further, if they can do it, we can do it.

The concept of "we" plays out in sports and in the military--winning teams almost always attributing their success to the strength of the group. After hearing thousands of stories from high achievers, what commonly emerges is a story of the bond that forms while sharing the same pain and suffering as they work collectively toward a shared goal.

The question now becomes, how do we channel this power? Especially when it isn’t organized for us, like being on a team working towards a trophy or in a therapy group treating addiction? How can we find it on the days when we are just feeling alone, like we don’t fit in or belong?

If you are in this space because you are an age-gapper, need not fear—there are millions just like you! And while it would be best to have a support group in every town like AA, we can still draw on our community's strength. Social media, meet-ups, podcasts, and user submitted content shows us there are thousands who are also showcasing their journeys with an age-gap partner.

Not an age-gapper? Find your problem-specific niche. There is someone who has been there, and they need you as much as you need them. And that is a force to be reckoned with.